I’m Glad Alcohol and I Aren’t a Match

For most of my youth, I consumed movies, books, magazines, and television shows that oozed what I thought was “sophistication”; sexy vodka ads, main characters who smoked and sipped cosmos laughing and batting away interested parties, articles on how to channel your inner Sex and the City character… you get the picture.

I thought, wow, I can’t wait to be an adult; it looks so good and so fun.

Then came the portion of my youth when I drank. I used booze as that social lubricant that made me loosen up and feel like the fun one. The one that people could always rely on for a good time.

Also, the one that got into mischief and stayed out far too late with God knows who.

I had the mindset of, "I LOVE my booze!"

I continued to live like this into my 20s, running around befriending those around me and thinking this was the good life.

But when the tough parts hit, they hit hard.

I definitely had a problem with alcohol but didn’t want to admit it. Friends and family worried that I was taking it too far. I often woke up thinking what the hell happened last night (this makes me shudder to think about now), and would do anything to avoid the flashbacks and cringe-worthy moments that I could remember.

I’d brush these behaviors off like they were normal and funny because I was just a social gal!

They often weren’t funny. Or if they were, it was funny embarrassing on my part.

I utilized alcohol in ways I didn’t realize at the time. It really became my confidant, and unfortunately, my confidence. I embraced the "let’s get wasted" culture (rosé all day!) because that’s what others were doing, and "I’m in my 20s, this is what I’m SUPPOSED to be doing."

But as the tough times with booze stacked up, and behaviors worsened, and my anxiety blew through the roof, I knew I had to make a change.

Which leads me to why I’m grateful for my shit relationship with booze:

My entire world has expanded without it.

And that never would have happened without addressing the elephant in the room.

Having lived without alcohol for over five years, I look at it now in a completely new light.

I see clearer than I ever thought possible.

I feel more secure in myself and my relationships.

I have immense gratitude for time and spending it mindfully (it’s our greatest currency - why get wasted, forget it, and suffer hangovers?).

I’m impressed with those who have a healthy relationship with booze. Having the “take it or leave it” mindset is something I’ve always admired.

However, if I had that mindset, I wouldn’t be part of the sober community - arguably one of the most inspiring.

Imagine being surrounded by humans who have made this wild (and often unpopular) decision to stop drinking alcohol. Now those are some impressive individuals.

The mindset is “I can do anything” after ditching the drink.

If I didn’t have a problem with alcohol, I never would have made this massive career change.

Or learned about the true dangers of ethanol.

Or hopped on a plane to spend time with a bestie I’d never met IRL.

Or felt like I’ve made a difference in this way.

Or properly address trauma.

Or put my health 100% first.

I’m absolutely and positively grateful for it.

-HM