Kori’s Path to Authenticity Through Sobriety
Welcome to TUL’s guest blog series! These articles serve as a platform for guests to share their personal journeys, revealing how they embrace an unwasted life. Be inspired by the heartfelt narrative of Kori, who shares her transformative journey through sobriety and self-discovery.
The greatest blessing that I have been able to obtain through my journey of sobriety is my level of authenticity.
I have always thought I knew who I was. I have never been shy nor self-conscious. I am always the first one to speak up, offer unsolicited advice and strongly voice my opinion as if it is the only one that matters. I would be blunt and forthcoming with my thoughts assuming that everyone must be wanting to know. I grew up around all boys. I had to stand my ground, firm and unshakeable. Sarcasm was key. If I made a good joke, even if I used someone as the pun, then I would feel accomplished. This way of being continued as an adult. I used sarcasm as a way of avoiding “real talk.” I would use sarcasm to passively aggressively state my opinion. Rather than being direct and straight forward, I would often use a joke to get my point across and I was good at it. Sarcasm, loudness, being blunt, speaking up, speaking often, etc became what I was known for.
For a long time, I appreciated this about myself. I liked and accepted that I was of this nature. However, oddly enough, there has always been a part of me that wanted to be softer. I often prayed to God to help me to be softer and kinder; to listen without thinking of a response. I wanted to be able to hear someone out and not offer advice or try to fix their problem. For so long, when I heard someone state a problem or issue, I jumped into “fix-it” mode. Because, after all, I am a strong and independent woman that can do it all herself so I could definitely solve any problem you have. My drinking only accentuated this behavior, confidence and arrogance.
Through sobriety, all these characteristics lost their sharp edges. It didn’t happen overnight. It took time. I still spoke too much during group therapy sessions and was asked to try to listen rather than speak. (I may or may not have been asked to wear a name badge that said, “silent but listening.”)
But, little by little, I began to realize that I didn’t need to solve anyone’s problems. I didn’t need to fix everyone. My life and my health were my priority. If I didn’t learn how to maneuver big feelings, then I would not be able to be the woman I knew I was capable of being. I strived to learn how to take bad news without the resolve of alcohol. I learned that time passes quickly. I began to reflect. I began to see that when I drank, I only delayed the outcome and the feelings. And, I would make the situation much worse. I didn’t see the long-term effects of my drinking. I was only here to do what made me feel better NOW. I didn’t consider anything other than the moment.
Getting sober for me on 4/27/2021 was not just about removing alcohol. That was the first step.
The next steps of my journey include so many things. Exercise has been imperative. My emotional and mental well-being after a workout is uplifted, relaxed and happy. I feel good after I move my body. That can be a nice walk often without music, podcasts, etc. I just walk with my thoughts. The thoughts that I used to try and drown with alcohol. I can accept them. Some I can process and some I am able to write off as just a thought. Sometimes my brain causes me to overthink feelings. But I have learned that my brain is not always truthful and sometimes a thought is just a thought and does not require an action or a feeling. I know friends that positively impact my nervous system and those that do not. I like to read, its an escape to become immersed in a novel. I feel my feelings and I challenge myself to listen to my heart more and to follow that consistently. Community helps me to not feel alone and to be around people that understand me. Now I am of service; leading meetings at detox centers, speaking my truth, being available.
Throughout the last three years of sobriety, I think my life speaks more loudly than it ever did. I finally feel that I know me and enjoy being by myself. Truly, I had let go of the loudness. I had to let go of the righteous behavior that was bossy and intrusive to others. I don’t feel any need to convince anyone that I am right. I am ok letting people follow their own thoughts and opinions regardless if they mirror mine.
I am here to help.
Truly, I see myself as a helper. But I can’t play God. I, in fact, do not know whats best for everyone (took me three years to see that). So, being a helper doesn’t look like making everyone’s lives shiny and new. Before I give my opinion, I have learned to ask; do you want my opinion or do you just want me to listen. See, I have learned that it is in fact not my right to spew my opinion all over town as though it’s the law and the way in which all must live. If I have a resource or an idea that seems helpful and the person wants to hear it, then I will gladly speak up to be a helper.
I still joke, I still laugh, I still really like being around people. But, because I don’t have to shout anymore, my stillness speaks much more loudly.
God didn’t directly answer my prayer to become a softer person. I had to go through a journey of alcoholism that changed to sobriety to learn my own heart. I feel like I know who I am and who I want to be. And when an opportunity comes for it to be helpful to share my experience with someone who can benefit, I will gladly volunteer with honesty and authenticity.
Connect with Kori and follow her journey at @sober.sass